It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything. The post about losing my puppy was so hard to write… I kind of stayed away just so I didn’t need to think about it again… But, my life did go on without my puppy 😦
I actually thought I wouldn’t get another dog, I couldn’t love and lose something that much ever again… but, I saw a sweet rescue dog on a local website and something about her just called out to me… I went to meet her, I knew I wouldn’t be going home with her because there had to be a home inspection and other things need to be handled before you can adopt, so I kind of felt okay going because I didn’t have to commit to anything. I met her, her name was Holly-2 (they must have had another Holly) she was so scared & shy, she clung to another rescue dog there… I wanted to help her and take care of her… They told me I couldn’t adopt her, because she needed to be with another dog… I was already having issues with my landlords letting me have another dog… so I knew I couldn’t have two. I sat with her for a couple hours and had a couple of interviews with the rescue volunteers… (which included lots of tears for Tyler and for the fact that I was already bonding with this sweet, scared doggie) I knew what their decision was, so at the end of the adoption event, I kissed her good-bye and walked back to my car, a little more broken-hearted…. then someone called out to me, they had Holly on a leash and were walking towards me in the parking lot… they said I could take her (as a foster)… I am not sure what changed their minds or why protocol wasn’t being followed regarding the home visit and adopter/foster review/approval, but there she was shaking and looking up at me and I was happy to take her leash (they said they’d come for a home visit the next day). As I said I’m not sure what made them decide I could take her, maybe they could see that I needed her as much as she needed me… anyway, I changed her name to Ashley (after a special little girl in my life, who is now all grown up). Anyway, Ashley and I bonded immediately and she helped me smile again 🙂 The home visit went well, now it was just convincing my landlords to let me have another dog. I wrote them a letter and poured out my feelings and although they weren’t thrilled about it, they allowed it.
After officially adopting Ashley, I started volunteering for the rescue group every Saturday. It made me happy to spend time making a homeless dog feel loved and special even if it was only for a few hours. I really enjoyed it. I felt like I was getting back into life. I was having a hard time with my weight issues, the sadness of losing Tyler was stronger than I could handle, so I turned to my old friend, food! I didn’t gain back massive amounts, but that part of my life felt like it was going in the wrong direction. Other than that most things were good… good job, had lost enough weight to travel on business trips with my company, I was volunteering, I loved my apartment, still felt a little hope for my future. One of the Saturdays I was volunteering a sweet little 12 wk. old puppy showed up for adoption. I fell in love with her immediately, I volunteered to foster her and got to take her home that day… She and Ashley bonded immediately. The whole few months I had Ashley, she had never barked (I thought maybe her barker was broken) but after a couple of days, with Pippin (Pippi) the foster pup, she barked, I was so happy, I called my mom just so she could hear it. Ashley wasn’t broken, the puppy was so good for her, I had bought Ashley many toys, but she never touched them, that puppy taught Ashley what a doggie toy was for… there was no way I wasn’t keeping this baby girl. I adopted her the next week (as far as my landlords knew, I was still just fostering her). I named her Daisy Mae (she didn’t look like a Pippin). Yes, I am a foster failure, fostered two-adopted both 🙂
Things were going well… then my landlord told me that their sister/sister-in law needed to move into my apartment, so I had to be out in 30 days. That was a shock. I wasn’t sure what to do… I looked at some apartments (so expensive) and I didnt think buying was an option. I looked at some foreclosures and got really discouraged. I really thought I’d have to go back to my mom’s home with my abusive brother still there… but I didn’t give up. One day I visited a foreclosed townhome in perfect condition, I didn’t think I could do it on my own, but I ended up putting in an offer, and having it accepted. Before I could even blink, I was a homeowner… it felt surreal, that I had achieved this… I was once again feeling pretty good about myself and my hopes for my future… buying my own home was a real confidence booster! My doggies loved it too, so much room to run around inside and out, three finished levels and a small back yard!
I think I can say I was truly feeling happy again… had a good 6 months in my new home… the future looked bright. Then one day I wasn’t feeling so well, having some issues (female issues). Ended up in the ER and then when things were under control I went in for tests… Again, I will never forget the phone call, I was laughing and eating lunch with my co-workers, cell phone rang, Dr.’s office was calling to tell me I had uterine cancer! It felt surreal and so unfair, I had already beaten kidney cancer and was down one kidney and now this… I remember screaming and crying, it really didn’t feel like it could be really happening again… but it was!
I think that is enough for today, I’ll be back with more of my life story and my hopes that change is still possible. It honestly feels good to be back here and putting my feelings into words… Thanks so much for listening (reading)